Little Girl Dreams

    (2003)

    I dreamed of him many years ago
    under the starlit sky of youth
    Trees swaying in mid-summer breezes
    and childish dreams,
    dreamt in open fields
    next to crackling campfires -
    The dreams so different from those of adults
    dreams dreamt before the corruption
    of knowledge and maturity.
    When all that was needed
    was a kiss on the lips for a split second
    when that was enough
    when holding hands was spectacular.
    Before the involvement
    of the knowledge
    of lust - disguised as love
    Before money and power - control -
    became an issue to be handled
    (though I dreamt of him then too).

    Always he had a different face
    a different body
    but always the same soul, the same filler,
    for the void in me
    the second half found only in dreams.

    As a young girl - it didn't matter -
    how many people the earth could hold.
    The odds were not measured
    the odds held no worth.
    But always time marched on
    and enlightenment corrupted
    the soft dreams of a girl.
    The odds of 1 in 6 billion
    Learning the ways of love, lust -
    Learning that no matter how strong the love -
    to build the house and home
    required money, and wisdom
    And power to some degree.
    And in life, everyone has the power struggle.

    Many a young man tried out for the role.
    Auditions ranging from an hour
    to some years
    A crush to reality
    until the time came
    when dreams dreamt by little girls
    got lost in the middle of living.
    The muck and the mire have a way of dragging
    even the loftiest of dreams -
    down -
    to the human level.

    Still I dreamt of him,
    albeit, with a heavier heart.
    Changing faces and names.
    Losing some hope, some faith.
    But still always the same - something.
    The undefinable quality
    that only a great love can contain.
    that ability to fill that hole in me.
    And finally I was prepared
    to give up and accept.
    A second rate love, with a first rate lovers.
    When finally I was content to settle;
    he came charging into my life -
    completely unexpected.
    Charging to the forefront of my thoughts
    And for the first time,
    in a long, long time,
    the very beginning could be felt.
    That something was found.
    Still undefineable, unidentifiable,
    but present none the less.
    The fill was slowly being spooned
    into the void I had felt.
    And dreams once dreamt
    under summer breezes
    and full moons in open fields,
    uncorrupted.
    Returned -
    with a renewed voice.
    A renewed faith. Hope.
    Life became liveable
    Liveable with pleasures so far undreamt of
    by my girlish, young heart.

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